a few years ago this kid called a professor to tell him he wouldn’t be taking the exam that day because he was in mourning. the professor expresses sympathy, asks some obligatory questions and finds out the kid was mourning his dead iguana. enraged, the professor demanded the student come take the exam before he left for the day. the boy obliged, but just to prove that he wasn’t trying to get out of taking the exam,

he brings his fucking dead iguana in his backpack. 

bring your boyfriend to work day basically

one of the ladies’ reactions to him? “OH MY GOD HE’S SUCH A CUTIE WHY IS HE SO SHY DID WE SCARE HIM OFF”

/dying 

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today someone at work was like ‘oh did you watch house last night?’ and i said ‘eh, no, totally forgot, but i love the show! who’d house end up with?” her: “him and wilson….ran off into the sunset”

best way of saying their penises touched EVER.

so today the head of the nat sci dept walks in and i literally get hearts in my eyes he is so PRECIOUS and smart but he only teaches astrophysics and some upper level other-physics courses and deb laughed at me as i sobbed

i didn’t actually sob but close